A peek at vanilla online dating

I was eating dinner at an outdoor cafe in an affluent neighborhood when I overheard an amusing conversation between a man and a woman who were having their first date after meeting on one of the vanilla dating sites. ("Vanilla" means non-swing, outside the lifestyle.)

Even without hearing what they were saying one could guess it was a first date by the careful way they were dressed; the man's meticulously ironed shirt, the woman's precice makeup. They were smiling a lot an fiddling with their wine glasses.

They talked about where they grew up, went to school, where they worked, how they liked their jobs. Do you have brothers and sisters? Do you have pets?

It struck me how different this was from the conversations I have with men I meet on the swing dating sites I use. On a first date the questions are...... different. Have you ever done a dp? (Double penetration.) Do you like on-prem clubs (where sex is permitted on the premises)? Are your nipples sensitive? Have you ever tried an orgy?

Swingers dress differently on a first date, too. Women tend to wear sexier dresses and higher heels. Men wear clothes that are easy to remove.

On the way home from dinner I got a text from a playmate who had a yen to tie me up and rub ice on my nipples. Yay! Dessert!

Online Swinging

Swingers personals websites are the way most swingers hook up nowadays. Back in the 90's you had to find and subscribe to underground magazines. It was a hassle. First you had to take a naughty photo. Then, have it processed by someone who wouldn't call the vice squad. Mail it in with your wittily phrased advertisement and wait weeks for it to come out in the next issue. Then wait weeks more for replies. Sheesh. It's a wonder anyone got shagged.

But now it's easy. Surf the sites and get immediate gratification. Post today and play tonight if you're lucky!

I'm what's called a Unicorn in the scene (a single female who is bi-comfortable) so I get lots of mail. Therefore I can be selective. It's not always easy to find quality sex despite hundreds of single male swingers out there. You need to sift meticulously to find the gems.

Here's a sample of what's in my box today. First let's look at HungOne, single male, 35. Alongside his profile are 7 pictures. I like it when guys post lots of pictures! How can I decide whether to meet you if all I can see is one fuzzy head shot circa 1996?

HungOne's seven pictures, alas, are all of his cock. A nice cock, I'll grant you, but it leaves me wondering what the rest of him looks like. Don't get me wrong, you can glean a lot of information from one cock shot. Does he shave? (A giant man-bush gets me reaching for my DELETE button fast.) Does he have a good digital camera? Can he achieve an erection? And if there's a woman in the shot with his cock, that tells you that at least one other woman found him appealing enough to fuck.

Next, let's look at SuperFly, single male, 33. Like HungOne, he has a lot of pictures, only one of which is a cock shot. Sadly, the rest of them are of him and his various vehicles. Fat man on a motorcylce, fat man in convertible, fat man on boat. I don't have anything against a man with a few pounds if he has other qualities and skills too. But I find it kinda creepy that this guy feels the need to show me all of his man toys. It's tacky.

The third message in my box is from Bond007, 45, single male. That's a red flag right there. Any guy who thinks he's James Bond is probably delusional. He's got no pictures posted at all, red flag #2. His message says that he's a "powerful" CEO from a Fortune 500 company in town on business for a few days. He is looking for nsa (no strings attached) fun. He's staying at a five star hotel. He is wealthy, "generous" and promises dinner at a nice restaurant where I may order whatever I want.

Can I get a "WTF?" from my sisters in blog land!! I'm hurriedly scanning through my profile to discover how this dipshit got the impression I was a call girl. Nope, nowhere did I write "whore" or any of its synonyms. I have a good mind do accept this guy's profile and go to the hotel. When he opens the door to his five star suite wearing the hotel-provided bathrobe that barely closes over his beer belly, I'll greet him with a supersoaker filled with blue kool-aid.

Fresh off the vanilla bus

I met a new potential playmate last night. Someone even newer to the lifestyle than I am. Seriously, he just stepped off the Vanilla Bus. He's been on the websites for a few months but has never played, been to a m&g or met anyone in real life. I'm his first (smile).

He's an adorable, earnest scientist who, perhaps, overthinks things too much, which explains why he's taken so long to jump in to the deep end of the swing pool. His profile shows a nice young man with a monstrous cock. Yay!!

We met for drinks at a cozy pub and he asked me a million questions about the lifestyle. What happens at a house party? What's the difference between an on-prem and off-prem party? Why does everyone hate single males? We had a great time, but schedules and circumstances made play out of the question so we made tentative plans to have a more intimate encounter sometime this week.

When he walked me to my car he demonstrated just how green he is by shaking my hand (rolls eyes). Seriously. I was totally prepared to give him a bj in the back seat but his mind was clearly NOT going there and who am I to push? But I did grab him and kiss him and had to coax him to open his mouth. Wow. I thought I was in junior high again.

So I'm wondering how our upcoming play date will go. Am I going to have to give this kid a crash course in Remedial Sex Ed? I SOOO want to get my hands on that juicy cock, but does the absent-minded professor know how to use it?

Details to cummm...

Decisions, decisions.....

I want to try a new swingers meet 'n greet tonight but I don't want to go alone. So I put a notice on the website that I wanted a date. So far, here are the takers.....

Perry - he's 5' 5" tall and doesn't speak English. No face pics posted on his profile, but 17 cock shots. Nice cock!

Larry - he's 6' tall and 250 pounds. Bald. Not bad looking. His profile is witty and funny. Maybe?

Barry - he's only 25 years old, a good twenty years younger than I am. He's as cute as a button, but does he have skills? I find that most men in their twenties can't find a clit with a roadmap. But then again, this is just a m&g (off-prem) not a playdate. Sex may not be part of the deal, anyway.

Gary - I've been trading emails and texts with this guy for a few months now, and I'm beginning to suspect he's a mirage. Meetings are always alluded to but never really pan out. He claims he's a fireman and has a very hectic schedule. On the plus side, he's got red hair. I've got this thing for red hair. We'll see....

Harry - 64 years old. Pic shows a tiny wrikled man on a sailboat with a captain's hat and giant sunglesses. Sorry, grandpa.

I'll give you all the details in my next post!

Just a little creepy....

A couple of weeks ago I had a threesome with a long-time playmate, Rob, and his friend, Chuck, another guy from the same swingers site where we met. It was great. A wonderful time was had by all.

A few days later Chuck called to say hi, did I want to hook up again? Not for a threesome with Rob (he was working that day), just with him. A one-on-one. I had to think it over. I really liked Rob better; he's funny, smart and has a wicked, sarcastic sense of humor. Chuck was OK. He hadn't really blown my mind, but I was bored and horny so I agreed.

He came to my place and it was nice. Nothing spectacular, but nice. He didn't say much. Not a brilliant conversationalist, but that's OK. We parted and I figured I'd never hear from him again. Wrong.

Since then he calls and texts me three or four times a day. "When r we gona hook up again?", "What r u doin?", "What r u wearing?", "How was ur day?", "Send me a pic of ur pussy." I reply very briefly and noncommittally. And if I don't reply right away.. "R U mad at me?", "What did I do?", "Didn't I satisfy u?"

A swingers manual would come in handy for situations like this. I could just refer him to Chapter 3: Your Playmates are Not Your Mommy, or Your Best Friends. He's a little young, so maybe he's made a common newbie error. Mistaking sex for love. Taking a few hook-ups and blowing them up in your mind into a long term relationship.

I sent him what I hope was a nice message: "Dear Chuck, Thank you for a wonderful time. Perhaps it would be best if you simply wait for me to let you know if I want to meet up again? Thanks, Primavera."

I haven't heard from him since, but it got me wondering. This guy knows where I live. I probably shouldn't have asked him to my house until I knew him better. Live and learn.

Hello newbie!

As the Talking Heads asked so poetically "How did I get here?"


How did I find the Swing Scene? Aka the "Lifestyle"? Actually, it was by accident. I had been hopping around the vanilla dating sites for a while. Match.com, Yahoo Personals, OK Cupid, PlentyofFish. I tried them all.


vanilla: anything not in the swing scene or lifestyle related


They weren't really the place for me because unlike most of the girls on those sites I wasn't looking for a traditional boyfriend. I wanted great sex. And I found a guy who gave it to me. After blowing my mind in bed he told me about the lifestyle.


lifestyle: a community of sex-positive people who gather for a variety of group sex activities.


He told me there were websites where swingers found each other and clubs where they met to play. Most swingers are couples who play together, but there are plenty of singles, too.


play: to have sex in various configurations, including, but not limited to intercourse, oral sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, etc.


I was incredulous at first, but after doing some research and signing on to the website, I was enthralled. Here were people like me! Hundreds of them! I wasn't a sex crazed freak or a nymphomaniac! I created a swingers profile, posted some pictures and never looked back.

More details to come.....