Where's the Beef?

Swinging as a couple is very new to me. Hell, I've only been swinging as a single for less than a year and navigating all the complexities of group play can still confound me. But this weekend I had a uniquely couples-related issue that threw me for a loop.

The accountant and I went to another swing house party together. As a couple. Whatever that means at a party where anyone can end up screwing anyone else. Neither of us knew very many people there. We mingled and chatted for a while, then everyone started heading to the play rooms to get naked and fuck in various combinations.

And we followed, not having found anyone to join us yet. Like most house parties, there was different kinds of action going on in different rooms. We were kind of at loose ends. No one had invited us to join them, despite our chatting with lots of people earlier in the evening.

No problem. I suggested we find a room with some empty bed space and "jump in". Putting on your own show is the best way to get people interested in joining you. And I knew my man knew how to fuck. One look at his gorgeous cock and we'd have plenty of company.

Or not.

Yep. You guessed it. Little pecker did not want to come out to play. The accountant tried to hide how mortified he was. I did my best to ignore it. And we did other things. We traded oral, we watched other couples, etc. But the accountant's massive boner failed to make an appearance.

I understand that extremely well endowed men sometimes have trouble achieving and maintaining erections. It comes with the territory. So I wasn't terribly disappointed or even surprised that this little glitch occurred. I certainly wasn't going to spit out "Hey, dude, what the fuck happened to your cock? Where's the beef, huh?"

But that's the way swing parties work. There are no guarantees. If you go into a party expecting the best damn sex of your life, you're going to be disappointed sometimes. I went to the party expecting only to have an evening in the company of sex-positive people. And I was not disappointed.

None of the candidates from my last post panned out. There was some conflict or issue with each of them. One had his sitter cancel at the last minute. One suddenly remembered he had to work early Saturday morning. Another just never replied. As one of my readers suggested, these guys may just be dabblers. They get off on the fringes of the lifestyle but can't or won't jump all the way in.

I ended up going to the club alone - one of these big, multi-storey clubs. It's been an established vanilla night spot for years but recently some swing couples arranged with the management to set aside one floor for a lifestyle meet 'n greet once a month.

You enter the same door as the general public, but you tell the doorman you're there for the "Special Meeting" and you get a wristband for entrance into the swingers floor.

The club's security staff didn't police the wristbands very well and the word got around that the pervs were on the third floor. Gradually the vanilla partiers migrated to our floor evidently expecting to see a raucous sex show.

You can tell the difference between the swingers and the regular club-goers just by looking, though. No wristband really required. Swingers tend to be older, chubbier, not so on-trend with fashion, and very sexually experienced.

The vanilla kids were all young, thin, trying really hard to look like Abercrombie models, and probably suck in bed. The girls in particular were wearing WAY too much clothing covering WAY too much skin to be swingers.

It was fascinating people-watching. The older swing crowd was talking and laughing, exchanging photos of their kids, grinding and grabbing. The younger vanilla voyeurs were lurking and staring, waiting for us perverts to start doing something shocking.

What were they expecting? Whips, leather, barn yard animals, cheese whiz? Although I didn't end up playing, it was a very entertaining evening.

Decisions, decisions.....

I want to try a new swingers meet 'n greet tonight but I don't want to go alone. So I put a notice on the website that I wanted a date. So far, here are the takers.....

Perry - he's 5' 5" tall and doesn't speak English. No face pics posted on his profile, but 17 cock shots. Nice cock!

Larry - he's 6' tall and 250 pounds. Bald. Not bad looking. His profile is witty and funny. Maybe?

Barry - he's only 25 years old, a good twenty years younger than I am. He's as cute as a button, but does he have skills? I find that most men in their twenties can't find a clit with a roadmap. But then again, this is just a m&g (off-prem) not a playdate. Sex may not be part of the deal, anyway.

Gary - I've been trading emails and texts with this guy for a few months now, and I'm beginning to suspect he's a mirage. Meetings are always alluded to but never really pan out. He claims he's a fireman and has a very hectic schedule. On the plus side, he's got red hair. I've got this thing for red hair. We'll see....

Harry - 64 years old. Pic shows a tiny wrikled man on a sailboat with a captain's hat and giant sunglesses. Sorry, grandpa.

I'll give you all the details in my next post!

Hot Tub update

So what happened after the hot tub? Many have asked, so here it is....

When we started to get wrinkly we got out of the hot tub and went back to the main room in just our towels. (Why get dressed again?) Back in the main room the party had gotten hot. Clothes were coming off, dancing was getting dirtier, people were forming themselves up into threesomes or foursomes and looking for a bedroom to play in.

We had worked up an appetite so we grabbed a snack. There was a buffet kept stocked through the night. And morning. While we were replenishing carbs and fluids, he pointed out one of the televisions up on the wall. There were four of them around the room. Three had commercial porn. The fourth was a live feed from the Video Suite where two couples were making themselves into a kinky pretzel. Arms and legs everywhere.

We went to find ourselves a room to play in. Some were small and private. If you closed the door no one would join you. If you left the door open it was implied consent for others to come inside and watch you and perhaps play if all parties are agreeable. Then there were large suites with no doors and large padded floors for groups of 6-10 people. These were more of a freebie zone where anything goes.

There was also a play room with a swing, a padded bench, restraints and some other contraptions I didn't recognize. Lots of the rooms were full, but because it's such a big place we had no trouble finding a little spot of our own. Always polite, my accountant asked me if I wanted the door open or closed. I was so smitten with him that I didn't want to share, so we closed it. The man was a machine. He fucked me in every conceivable position and made me cum so much I thought I'd lose my mind.

But the guy wouldn't cum himself. This started to bother me so I asked him about it. Evidently he doesn't cum very easily. That's a new one one me. He just stayed hard as a rock through hours of fucking, watching me cum over and over. I was feeling self conscious and confused. Why wouldn't this guy cum, already?

I took it as a personal challenge and tried everything I could think of to make him cum. I finally got him off with my mouth. My blow jobs are famously irresistible, after all. Resistance is futile.

This is one of the few clubs where you can stay overnight if you reserve ahead of time, which my organized date had done. So we parted the next morning, tired and sore and very happy, having gotten only about an hour of sleep. And this is where one would expect the date to end, but wait, there's more......

Driving home he texted me, "I'm dying to bury my cock deep inside you again." And I texted him back, "My nipples are sore and tingly from being sucked all night." He replied, "I'll rub ice cubes on them and suck them some more."A few more texts like this and I was showered, changed and back in my car driving to his place where we, once again, failed to get more than an hour of sleep :)

After my less than satisfying playdate with the nervous pussy-phobic (see "Ninja attack" post) I decided to give it another try this weekend. With another guy, it goes without saying. I checked the web to see what was going on and noticed a popular club to which I'd never been was having a party. It was a private club and I needed a member to sponsor me so I checked the guest list.

There was only one person I "knew" (sort of), a guy who I'd been chatting with for a few weeks. He was smart, funny and had good references. And he's a sci-fi geek, like me. He looked like a mild-mannered accountant. So I said, what the hell, and shot him an email.

We met at the club and he was just like his pictures. He wore glasses, a polo shirt, had a conservative haircut and no sign of a tattoo or a piercing. No my usual bad boy biker type. The club was packed with swingers who all knew him by name and greeted him with smiles and hugs. Turns out he'd played with just about everyone in the room because he's been in the lifestyle for more than ten years.

We talked and drank and danced and flirted and ended up in the hot tub. The hot tub can hold about ten people but no one was in it yet when we arrived, although there were three very old men at a table next to the tub watching porn. As we got undressed my shy accountant whipped out a truly massive cock. My jaw nearly hit the floor. NOW I understood why he was so popular! He just winked and gave me a knowing smile.

When we slid in the water and started to make out, two of the old guys stripped down (their wrinkled flab confirming my earlier guess that they were probably in their 60's) and slipped into the water with us. I had never played in an on-prem club with a communal hot tub so I wasn't sure what the rules were. Which is one reason why having a sponsor is a good thing.

I looked at my accountant and had to do a double take. With his glasses off and his hair wet and touseled, he was gorgeous. I was dying to get hold of that giant cock so I slapped a Trojan on it and straddled him. Wow, the accountant sure knew how to fuck!

I was riding his sweet cock when I felt an extra hand rubbing my back. I was getting ready to cum so I just ignored it. My accountant grabbed my hips in both hands and rammed his truly astounding piece of man-flesh into me making me cum like crazy. He wrapped me in his arms and rocked me gently in the water as I came back down to earth.

But the extra hand was still there, sliding down my back toward my ass. I wasn't sure how to feel about this hand. I was unacquainted with its owner, who had not asked permission before touching. But what if he was a friend of my accountant? Or maybe this kind of touching is acceptable in the hot tub? Perhaps the hot tub is a "free for all" zone of which I was not aware? And I didn't want to be rude.

Then he reached my ass and started to stroke us both where our bodies were still joined. My accountant looked at me and raised his eyebrows. The question on his face told me that it was my choice to either allow this man to join us in a threesome, or to ask him to leave. The slightly freaked out, kinda horrified look on my face told him what he wanted to know and he said to the guy, politely, "Thanks, man, but we're ok." The guy backed off. No harm, no foul.

There's a line between being watched by strangers and being touched by strangers. One can be erotic and the other can be creepy. Being a newbie to the club and not wanting to offend a member, I got confused and lost track of the line. I'm very grateful to my sweet accountant for effortlessly extricating me from an uncomfortable situation. And for letting me play with his massive trouser snake all night long :)

Ninja Update

Last night I got an email from Brandon thanking me for a great time and asking if I wanted to set up a four-way with Violet and Doug, a couple we met at the club. She was an adorable little red head with a tiny, curvy body and Doug was a shaved-headed biker dude with a goatee and pierced ears. I'd love to play with them. But with Brandon.... not so much.

I wanted to reply, "You had a great time because I give AWESOME oral, Mr. Pussy-Phobic!" But I didn't. I applaud my restraint.

What I did say in reply is, "Should we tell Violet about your no-oral-until-the-second-date rule beforehand? Or are you going to make an exception for her?" Perhaps the applause was a bit premature....No reply as yet today. I'll keep you posted.

Ninja Attack!!

I went to a swing club with a new guy recently. Yes, I know I've started a lot of posts that way lately. And it's true, since losing my job last month I've used the free time to have a awful lot of sex with an awful lot of people. Safe sex always!

Brandon and I had exchanged emails and photos. We'd texted, IM'd and talked on the phone. So I thought I had a good idea what he was like. When he showed up he was cute and sexy. Par for the course, though, he was about 10 pounds heavier and 2 inches shorter than his pics and profile stated. I just expect it now. They all lie.

We got some drinks and chatted for a while, getting to know one another. All was going well except that he wouldn't maintain eye contact with me. He was looking around the room, studying the people, the walls, the furniture, the ceiling, the bar, the buffet. I started to wonder what was going on? He's in the military so maybe he's expecting to be attacked? So I asked him "What are you looking for? Are you expecting a ninja attack or something?" He just laughed. I laughed. But he kept the room under tight surveillance nevertheless.

When we went upstairs to the play area and started making out, he kept up the intense scrutiny of our surroundings. Even when kissing and nibbling me, his eyes were constantly roaming. His glances at the other people in the room were not lascivious, which I would have expected. There were about 5 other couples playing nearby and he was watching them all. Like they were suspects.

I couldn't let this go without comment, so I pointed to a lovely asian woman giving her man a hard ride, and whispered in his ear "Watch out! I think she's a ninja assassin! She's going to launch a ninja star at you any minute!!"

Like many people, he didn't quite get my quirky sense of humor.

None of this odd behavior is a deal breaker for me. I embrace oddity. I even find it endearing for the most part. But then we hit a wall. I was sucking his dick for quite a while in 69 position, but he was not reciprocating. Finally I had to give him a nudge. I said, "Hey, you know I've got a pussy down there, right?" He hemmed and hawed and then informed me he didn't go down on a woman until the second date. WTF?

Needless to say, there will be no second date. Not even if he brings a ninja.

"Spring" Swing Party - Part II

Continued from last post......

Eric and I, naturally, were scoping out the other couples at the bar. One couple was probably in their late fifties, very fit, well dressed and attractive. Later, when Eric and I were on the swing, the woman came over and asked, "Can I suck your tits for a while?" Eric looked at me to see if I was cool with it, and we said "Sure!"

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having my nipples sucked and pinched. Lots of guys pay attention to them only during foreplay and then abandon them for the pussy, leaving my nipples sad and neglected. =sad, forlorn face=

Kitty, our new playmate, nibbled, twisted and stroked me to ecstasy. Eric reached under her skirt and worked her clit. She had a smooth, gorgeous body with small, perky breasts. By this time some of the younger, nervous couples were loosening up and starting to make out. Yay!

Kitty asked Eric if she could suck his cock while he ate me out and he, unsurprisingly, agreed. "But first," she said, "I have to ask my Dom." Kitty got down on her hands and knees and crawled to one of the couches where her companion sat very dignified, sipping a martini. She kissed his shoe and gave him a pleading look. He smiled and nodded.

I had read about Dom/sub relationships before, but had never seen it in action. Kitty crawled back and with a bright smile started sucking Eric's cock with considerable skill. Eric and I looked at each other, shrugged and got busy.

Later in the evening we paused for a snack (it's important to keep your strength up during a marathon fuck-fest) and watched the action. Kitty was laying across her Dom's lap with her skirt bunched up around her waist while he fucked her with three fingers, hard and fast. She was moaning and squirming, but he would not let her cum.

Then he instructed her to kneel and suck his cock. He reached over and lifted her skirt so her ass was exposed to the whole room. Then he beckoned to a man standing nearby and asked if he wanted to make Kitty cum. He whipped out a massive boner, put on a condom and sent Kitty to the moon in a few thrusts.

I don't know if I could ever crawl to a man on my knees, but to each her own....

Enough cock to go around

I was recently invited to a swing party by a couple I did not know. The invitation stated that they were inviting 35 couples, 10 single females and (all caps was their idea!) NO SINGLE MEN. Why the last part needed to be capitalized I'm not sure.

I see that restriction a lot in club and party listings. And I sort of understand their logic. I've been to open meet n' greets where there's an excess of creepy guys hovering around the edges looking for prey. These guys aren't swingers, they're predators. They've heard about the lifestyle and think it's a place where anyone can get laid, no matter how unappealing he may be.

But on the other hand, I like single gentlemen and a party with more of them not less of them is the one for me. In the party mentioned above there will be 35 cocks and 45 pussies. I think that ratio is off because one pussy can accommodate several cocks without pausing to "reload". While men need to wait after each orgasm to re-establish erection. And then there's me - who loves nothing more than one cock in my mouth and another banging my pussy.

By my math, you need twice as many cocks as pussies. =wicked grin=

But, alas, finding quality cock isn't as easy as it sounds. In order to fit into a swing party, the organ needs to be attached to a gentleman. Google it if you're not sure. The perfect single male party guest is attractive, fit, endowed, experienced, polite, clean and respectful. By the way, that pretty well describes the perfect female guest, too.

Tonight I have a playdate with a lovely guy I haven't seen in a while. Can't wait! The last time we got together was at an on-prem lifestyle club known for its playful crowd.

It's a huge space with a bar and dancefloor downstairs and play areas upstairs, both open and private. We eventually ended up in my favorite spot, the Red Room. It's got a door for privacy, but it's also got a big picture window out to the pulbic play area so people can watch you.

While we were fucking, we could look up at any time and see the crowd outside watching us. Some of them had their backs to us, watching the large group of naked bodies in the open play area. One woman had her naked breasts pushed up against the glass, her hands splayed, being fucked hard from behind by her partner. They were both watching us, getting off.

The walls didn't go all the way up to the ceiling, so you could hear everything, and that was a turn on too. Tonight will just be the two of us. No spectators, but I think we'll find a way to make it interesting. :)